Trading Spaces: Bayville
by AlarisianSun
Summary: What if Paige and TLC had to host a trading of spaces between X-Men and Brotherhood? pg-13 because of language.
1. The Beginning of the End aka TWO DAYS?

... o,0;...Umm... insane Idea I had the other evening relating to Evo... so here we go. Trading Spaces and all other related things are copyrighted by TLC and the Discovery Network... check out www.tlc.com to ensure you know loads... brings you to the base page for TLC, Animal Planet, Discovery Channel, etc.  
  
TRADING SPACES: BAYVILLE  
  
"Hi, and welcome to Trading Spaces," the bubbly brunette with short, flipped out hair smiled. "I'm Paige Davis, and today we're in beautiful Bayville, where two groups of teenagers are Trading Spaces to redecorate one room in each other's homes!"  
Eight teenagers were pushed onto the pastoral scene, where Paige was standing before a white picket fence in some unknown field outside of Bayville.  
"Jean, Rogue, Kurt, and Kitty have all agreed to Trade Spaces with Lance, Pietro, Todd, and Freddy. Our two designers today are Frank Bielec and Hilda Santo-Tomas, along with handyman Ty Pennington."  
Paige smiled at the disgruntled and slightly miffed teenagers that stood beside her. "Now, you know the rules. We have only two days to completely redecorate the rooms. Each designer has only $1,000 dollars to spend, and there is NO PEEKING! Are you ready to Trade Spaces?"  
Paige ignored the faint murmurs of ascent as she beamed even brighter, if at all possible.  
"Here ya go!" She laughed as she crossed her arms, each finely manicured hand holding a different set of keys. Jean, who was in the front of the line of X-Men, reached over and snatched away the keys to the Brotherhood's house before she stormed off, back towards civilization. Lance reached forwards and took the keys to Jean's room gently, almost reverently; the seriousness of the situation was destroyed when his maniacal, evil grin split his face.  
"And, CUT!" The director yelled from behind the camera. The instant the words left his mouth, the smile melted off of Paige's face, replaced by a façade similar to one is you had poop stuck under your nose.  
"Where's my cappuccino? I ordered it..." Paige paused to look down at her watch. The entire crew waited as she counted backwards, using her fingers, then her toes. "I ordered it fifteen... no, wait... twenty... no... A HALF HOUR AGO! And where's my trailer? It is boiling out here, and I demand some AC! And..."  
Kitty sighed as she brushed her long brown ponytail back from where the wind blew it to where it belonged: behind her shoulder. "She is, like, not as nice as she appears on the TV."  
"Tell me about it," Kurt replied from behind the mask of his image inducer. "She and Jean must be related."  
The two mutants turned and headed after Jean, leaving Rogue alone, pissed off. "Look at what the Professor and Mystique got us into: two days spending with a roly-poly, fat old man who is OBSESSED WITH CHICKENS!!!" Her angry disposition faded as it was replaced with one of humor.  
"I can't wait until Wanda sees her new room..." 


	2. Meeting Frank and Hilda

Dum dum dum.... Yeah... Trading spaces = TLC, Discovery Network, etc. see Ch. 1 for full disclaimer.  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
"Hey!" said the round elderly man as Jean stormed into the shadowy and ominous room. The room didn't match the man inside at all; they were complete opposites. He wore a shirt with pink bunnies in grass skirts doing the hula, while NIN posters lined the walls.  
Kitty, Kurt, and Rogue all meandered into the dark room.  
"Hey, Kitty... Rogue, Jean, and Kurt. I'm Frank. What do you happening in this room?" asked the chubby designer.  
"I, like, totally see a modernization of this place. I mean, like, look at it. The green shag carpet, the black walls, and the, like, totally blood red drapes are so 70's," Kitty critiqued, turning up her nose at what she viewed as totally not-chiq.  
"I do not care," Jean snapped as she straightened her $200 top. "I have RESPONSIBILITIES, and as long as I am HERE with YOU I can't be FULFILLING them." She turned towards the door, about to leave.  
Rogue turned to the red-headed bimbo behind her. "Jean, you know what the professor said. We have to complete this, or else you don't get any more metabolife, and I get a PINK suit!"  
Jean grumbled, unwilling to sacrifice her figure for an unimportant cause.  
"Let's get this straight: I do not want to 'perspire', I do not want to break a nail. This manicure, I'm sure, cost more than your life. And I Do not work around paint, electric tools, primer, paint brushes, glue of any sort, sewing machines, thread, needles, plaster, dye..."  
Jean continued rambling off her list, ticking each item off on a finger until she realized for the first time that she only had ten fingers.  
  
"Well..." Frank continued, ignoring Jean. "Here's what I envision: an elegant bed. Bright walls, with lots of art."  
Frank walked over to the wall and tore down a NIN poster.  
"I see something fitting a teenage girl. Something unique, and mature, and yet with a childish flair to bring out the inner beauty and banish all of this," Frank gestured to the black, red, and NIN posters, "nonsense." %$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$ MEANWHILE, AT THE INSTITUTE.... DUM DUM DUM.... DUM DUM..... DUM... %$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$  
Hilda Santo-Tomas sat upon the prissy feather bed, eyeing the perfection about her with disgust. The all-too-common design theme, based upon a floral wallpaper border offended something deep with in her; the sheer perfection of the room, as well as the I'm-Miss-Perfect attitude it displayed would be changed... for the better, in her eyes.  
The door to the spacious, girly-girl room slammed open, as her team walked into the room.  
"Hey Lance, Todd, Freddy, and Pietro! How are you doing?"  
"Let's tear this place up, yo!" Todd said excitedly as he ran over to Jean's dresser, yanking out random articles of her underthings.  
Lance smacked him, knocking him across the room, as he looked at Hilda. "Let's get this shit over with."  
Pietro didn't bother to reply, and Freddy groaned, "I'm hungry."  
"Are you ready to give this good girl a taste of the wild?" Hilda responded.  
"Definitely," Pietro laughed. Hilda snapped, and Ty and Paige walked in, carrying boxes. Now that she had gotten her morning cappuccino, she had a new wave of bubbling happiness.  
"Here's our wall decorations. Now, I got these on a great deal from my dear friend Betty-Ann Maraschino; she helped me pick them out. We are going with a sexy-girl-dirty-girl-brothel-Moulin-Rouge-high-End-Strip-Club- Whore room," Hidla said as she reached over with a razor and opened one of the boxes.  
"That's why we're decorating the walls with..."  
  
'Till next time. ;) 


	3. Designs Revealed

DUM DUM DUM... The Day continues... ;)  
  
CH. 3  
Kitty gasped in delight as Frank pried open one of the paint cans, revealing a gallon of pastel pink paint. It was just the color she had wanted, the color of untainted, original flavor bubble gum. She hopped around in delight as Frank relayed his plans.  
"I see a chair rail going around the room, on three of the walls. I see pink and white stripes above the chair rail, and a solid pink block beneath it. I see a new dresser," Frank stated, flipping his hand towards the onyx and red dresser that had pentagrams carved into it, "with much more class and taste, to help bring out the natural wood color. I see a new bed, as well as a mural the wall over there."  
Kitty's eyes became huge and watery as she envisioned the new room, while Kurt stared out the window at the day he was missing, Rogue looked bored, and Jean continued to list off activities that were forbidden for her to do.  
"... and I won't do anything that requires me to put my hands in normal water, it makes my hands dry and rough, and I definitely won't work with anything electric, heated, dirty, or sweaty," Jean finished as she smoothed her designer, expensive pants. "That's about it! Now, what can I do to help?"  
"You can paint the walls," Frank stated as he continued showing and telling Kitty his plans.  
"To messy."  
"You can tape stripes."  
"The adhesive will remove my nail polish."  
"What nail polish?" Rogue asked. "You just have a French manicure! There's no nail polish there!"  
"Hello, the sealant! What do you think keeps my cuticles from growing massive, keeps my nails shiny, and keeps my hands in perfect condition?"  
"Hand Lotion?" Kurt interjected, "like that expensive stuff you buy from Bath and Body Works?"  
"That's my low end moisturizer. I only get that for emergency use, when there is nothing else to use. I really use..."  
"ENOUGH!" Frank yelled. "Is it against your beliefs to go bring some design plans to Ty for me?"  
"No, I can do that, as long as I don't have to mess with the tools," Jean replied, smiling brilliantly.  
Paige walked in, a bottled storm, looking very positive.  
"I brought you your Trading Spaces smocks!" She smiled. "We forgot to give them to you earlier. Here is yours, Rogue, and yours, Kurt. Kitty, you get this one, and that leaves this for Jean."  
Paige handed Jean one of the one-size-fits-all shirts with the Trading Spaces logo emblazoned on the back. Jean looked down at it, and handed it back.  
"Orange isn't my color. It totally contrasts with my hair," Jean said in a nonchalant, snobbish manner.  
"Come on, Jean! It's, like, a TRADING SPACES smock!" Kitty cried. "Everyone on the show has to, like, wear one!"  
"You can wear it, Kitty, because it's obvious you have no sense of color coordination or make up skills," Jean replied. "And neither do you, Paige."  
Paige glared at Jean, throwing the shirt back at her. "I'm sorry we don't have nay fancy, imported, French shirts for you Jean..." It dawned on Paige what Jean had said about her. "How DARE you say such a thing to me?!? Do you KNOW who I am? I am PIAGE DAVIS! I am the STAR of Trading Spaces! I was on BROADWAY, thank you. Who are you? Some prissy, self- absorbed, freakish BITCH who doesn't know Avon from Wal-mart make up, because let me tell you something, Jean. You obviously bought cheap, low quality shit."  
Kurt sighed as he watched the two women scream at each other.  
"$10 that Paige wins," Rogue whispered. Kurt sighed. It was going to be a long day. %$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$  
"... BLACK VINYL," Hilda laughed as she pushed the hidden massive roll out into the middle of the floor, "and FAKE FUR!" She pulled the cheap fur out from under the bed. "And to top it all off, we will be adding..."  
Hilda waved her hand to Ty. Paige had left to check up on the other team. Ty kicked over Paige's box, and dumped his onto the ground. Thousands of different pairs of bras and panties fell upon the perfect floor.  
"LINGERIE!" Hilda danced around the massive pile of women's under- things. Todd dropped Jean's clothes and ran over to the pyramid of women's clothing, preparing to dive in.  
"STOP!" Hilda screamed, her mood shifting dramatically. "Do not touch these or I shall skin you alive and dissect you like sophomores dissect frogs in Biology!" Todd stopped, his eyes wide.  
"That was below the belt, yo!" He muttered as he returned to the articles of Jean's he had discarded.  
The room had already been cleared; it was a blank slate for Hilda to impress her vision upon.  
"We are going to have Ty here make us a small stage for that corner. We are going to have long, sexy, shiny steel poles around the room. I bought massive amounts of red and black silk to make sheets out of, as well as some other items to accentuate this new brothel. What do ya think?"  
Lance looked up into Hilda's eyes. "Jean is going to have a royal fit when she sees it."  
"Perfect." 


End file.
